Jesus

SO this was the week to end all weeks...literally. Depths o' despair for sure. Rock bottom? you bet! Just emotionally draining. Struggling to stay alive, fo sho. Attacks? SEveral hundred..maybe thousand.
Tonight, after a very hard discussion with a friend, I went to prayer and praise in the prayer house at church. On the way over, I was SERIOUSLY considering giving up following Jesus. I was counting the cost, emotionally, and it was WAY too high!! Anywho, I went. It was SO good.

I was in my seat, standing actually, so not in my seat, but anyway...and I remembered telling my friend, " If God would just tell me go to this room and He'd be there and it'd be great, I'd go" SO, tonight, I felt like God told me to go stand in the back (I'm a front row person). So, I stand in the back and, let me testify, the Holy SPirit showed up! I know, so crazy, right? Only, I felt Him for real. I sort of felt a little drunk, like just the edge was off..a spiritual buzz, if you will! (Calorie free..bonus!) So, I had this picture of me in a room...oh, it was dark in there..yeah, cause we were singing about light and I was picturing Jesus being the light and lighting up the room...because He is the Light...anyway, so He was like, come on out of the room and I did...with a little hesitation..ever so slight, but I went and He like locked the door so I couldnt' go back in except when He says its okay, and I was okay with that. I looked back, but not with longing, for suddenly there were fields and flowers and mountains and space and air and..freedom! wow, it was really good. ANd i wasn't one bit uncomfortable not being in control and peaceful. Good times. LIke, peaceful, peaceful. i mean, like, peace. crazy good.